When it all falls into place...

Have you ever had one of those enlightened moments when you realize that all of the little pieces of your life are coming together simultaneously? When you think back to that book review that you stumbled across, that drama at the office and this week's financial issues and think, "Isn't it interesting how related all these random threads of my life are?" That is life screaming at you to pay attention! We don't get these memos that often, and we heed them even less, but every once in a while the universe will tap me on the shoulder and say, "Hey, dumbass, take a hint."

I recently finished my master's thesis and graduated with a degree in International Public Health (my brother says that at least I am finally a master of something, brat). I got a job that is in my field but out of my interest. Does that make sense? Anyway, I have had every job imaginable until this point, all while juggling school. Officially graduated and two months into this job and I realize...I don't really want to work (and I never have). Not that I'm lazy and want to do nothing, but I am truly disillusioned with the time=money system of today. What the hell could I possibly be doing for 40 hours per week? If you are even remotely efficient, then you probably spend 2 hours actually working per day and fill the rest of your jail sentence by cruising the interweb or writing a post for your blog, looking up new recipes, buying lord knows what on ebay...you get it. If I can get the work that is required of me done in 8 hours instead of 40, why am I still sitting behind this desk?

After a ridiculous debacle of miscommunication at work, I discovered that I am very competent and efficient, and have no real interest in working with people who aren't. That day, oh that fateful day, I came across a series of reviews of a book, the name of which I will not reveal until I have completed it and deemed it worthy of a shout-out. The cover of this book warns, "Do not read this book unless you want to quit your job." There it is folks. What? That's not enough for you? Fine, so the next day, as my husband-to-be and I are sorting out our financial situation (read: deep in debt doo-doo), and I thought...what are we working so hard for? We are both trapped in this rat race mentality, which leaves us with the desire to collect shiny things and sit around staring out them. We are not interested in keeping up with the Joneses, nor are we two sheep among the herd, but the marketing of social influence is very powerful. We want stuff. Why? Security, comfort? We don't actually know what we want out of life, yet we continue to insist that if we eek in a few more hours or a few more clients, we will attain exactly that which we have not defined. Ask yourself, "What do I want to do?" As in...money and time are not factors in this decision...what would I do if I could do anything? It is a really hard question to answer.

I want to learn Portugese, French, Arabic and maybe Chinese. Not only that, I want to travel to countries that speak these languages and engage in actual conversations. I want to volunteer to work abroad with an international organization devoted to providing aid during natural and man-made crises/disasters. I want to learn how to play golf and soccer. I want to compete in a Texas Hold'em Tournament. I want to re-learn how to knit and sew so that I can make my best friend a baby blanket by the time her baby arrives.

Now, I'm rambling.

The point is that I am still at this job and will stay here until I figure out how to work smart, not hard in order to finance the learning, experiencing and doing that will make the journey of my life worth living.